In only 15 days I will be embarking on my adventure to Milwaukee, I know, I am making it sound like I am going on a voyage but nonetheless we may as well call it that- it sounds cool.
In fifteen days I step into an unknown place, full of unknowns and more unknowns. I will be going on a summer mission to the fourth poorest city in the nation, where the public high school graduation rate is only 60 percent. I have no clue what to expect, but I do know one thing and that is that this city is desperately in need of Jesus. It needs love, hope, encouragement, freedom, joy- the things found in Jesus alone.
The thing about Jesus is that He became one of us. He came down to our level, sat with us, talked with us, became human for us in order for us to become rich [2 Corinthians 8:9]. And now Jesus calls us to go into those places that are dark, that may be scary, that are filled with hopelessness to shine His light, to reach those people’s hearts and tell them that there is hope, there is freedom freely available to them, and they are loved with a crazy, incomparible, life-giving love.
There is no other love like the love of Jesus. The love of Jesus has the ability to break chains, to set the captives free, to bind the brokenhearted, to release the prisoners from darkness [Isaiah 61:1]. But this love can’t be spread if we are keeping it to ourselves, we must go out into the world, into our communities, schools, workplaces, etc; the love of Jesus was never meant to be kept to ourselves- it is way too great for that.
We are all just broken, messy humans wandering the earth trying to figure out our purpose, trying to find healing from our pain, our wounds, trying to fill this nagging emptiness inside of us. And by the grace of God, some of us have found Jesus and now live for Him and are being made whole because of Him. But there are those who have never heard, or have never experienced what the love of Jesus is like and for those of us who are being made whole, we must tell the world of this treasure we have found, of this Savior who fills that emptiness inside of us, of our healer who heals our deepest wounds and turns them into victories, into hope for others.
You don’t have to wait for a mission’s trip to tell the world of this love, of Jesus, you just have to be alive.
This summer I pray that God will use those on my summer mission and I to reach His love to the hearts of those who are broken and lost, to shake up the city of Milwaukee and show the world the everlasting, unconditional love of our Savior.
Please pray for me and those going on this summer mission and also for Milwaukee.
And if you would, would you consider helping support me to go financially? click here!
God is on the move in incredible ways and I thank you for your prayers, thoughts, donations- I really, really do appreciate it and what is so much cooler is that it is not for me, but you are building up the kingdom of God and you are a part of such a bigger mission.
“Come to me, all who are weary and burdened and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me… for my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
What about depression?
Is this something that can be given to God? What if we don’t know what caused it? What if we can’t trace back the signs and symptoms? Does it still count?
Depression…
What really even is depression?
As I have been struggling with depression, I have realized that depression comes in all different shapes and sizes. Some depression is easy to spot and some is so hidden that you don’t even know it is affecting you.
I have been struggling with depression and since mine isn’t clinical or makes me bed- ridden, I have a tendency to lessen its effect on me. I think we as humans have a tendency to do that. We shrink the size of our wounds because someone out there always has it worse. But did you know that each of our wounds matter to God?
God doesn’t need for your symptoms to match up to something on Web MD. God doesn’t need a diagnosis date. He already knows the state of your soul and what is going on inside of you.
Your hurt matters.
Depression has been such a complicated thing for me. It seems that depression has always been intertwined in my soul, waiting to dig its ugly claws into my heart, and it seems that when I am just weak enough, when I have no more strength to rely on what God says about me or the hope He has given me… that is when it attacks.
Depression has a way of hiding its face. It likes to play jokes on us.
Also for me, depression makes me believe I have caused it, or I have done something wrong, it makes me believe I am not worthy of hope, of love. Since it makes me believe I have caused it, it then makes me believe I have the responsibility of fixing it, of overcoming it.
So I take it into my own hands… just making me feel worse. Because I can’t overcome these feelings, this depression on my own.
And all Jesus wants us to do is fall into His sweet arms that are open wide, waiting for us. He wants us to give Him our depression, or whatever it may be for you. He wants you to say, “Lord, I can’t overcome this. I need you.” He wants us to let go of what we are holding so tightly onto, and let ourselves fall into His open arms of mercy and grace.
He doesn’t want us to try to fix our problems, He wants to work our problems out and make them into something beautiful. He doesn’t need our help with our problems, He says He wants them, He wants to do all the work and He just wants us to trust Him with our lives, with our depression, our anxiety. He wants us to trust Him that we will overcome this with His healing hands on us.
Let go, and fall into His arms.
We weren’t made to carry this weight, we were made to be free. And the only freedom is found in our sweet Jesus, who carries the weight of our burdens and sins.
We are weak, in need of a Savior, and Jesus actually wants to be all that you need. He is all we need.
He loves us that much.
We say, Lord I can’t overcome this and He says, I will overcome it for you.
As children of God, we have been given the freedom of not being in charge of our mess. We are not in control of our mess, we don’t have to touch it, we don’t have to try to clean it.
It is now Christ’s mess.Â
This is extremely hard to believe, at least for me.
Cause wait, God is saying I don’t have to do anything about my mess… that I might had had a responsibility of causing? That doesn’t make sense to me, but that is grace and that is how crazy God’s love is for us.Â
God wants our mess, He wants absolutely all of it. And let me tell you a secret, He can handle it way better than we ever could have.
“Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest. Take my yoke upon you and learn from me, for I am gentle and humble in heart, and you will find rest for your souls. For my yoke is easy and my burden is light.” Matthew 11:28-30
When Jesus said this, He was saying that He wants to take our burdens and replace them with His presence and peace. When He said this, He also didn’t just mean giving up a quarter of our burdens or even half… He meant all of them, every single ounce.
You know why He wants them?
Of course, it is because He loves you violently and because He is good. But it is also because our burdens, our mess takes our eyes off of Jesus. We keep staring at our mess and how big it seems to us, how impossible it looks to be able to overcome, or heal from, or conquer. Our eyes are too little for our mess and when we consumed with our mess, we forget about our Savior- the one who wants to take our mess with His own bare hands and untangle the knots and kinks for us.
 Where are you looking?
Into the eyes of Jesus or straight into your mess?
Ask God to help you see Him, ask Him to help you push aside your mess and make a clear path straight to Him.
 When we focus our eyes on Jesus, our mess doesn’t just go away but it becomes something we know we don’t have to overcome on our own. We become consumed with His presence, instead of the weight of our mess.Â
God, the creator, the one who can move mountains is also the one who transforms hearts. Imagine the hearts He can transform and has transformed already; addicted hearts, hardened hearts, hopeless hearts, lustful hearts.
Let’s challenge ourselves to remember those who have not yet had a chance to hear the gospel, those who don’t believe, those struggling with addiction, and those who are hopeless in our prayers.
When we pray for someone, they are drawn closer to Jesus.
Jesus, thank you that you are mighty and powerful. Thank you that no heart is too far for you to transform and love and use. Thank you that your grace is available to all. We pray for those who are addicted, hopeless, and hardened. We pray Jesus that they would hear your gospel and your Holy Spirit would tug on their hearts and bring them to their knees. Lord Jesus, we pray that they would know you and be known by you, be saved by you and find refuge in you. We pray that you would surround them with a community of people who will love them graciously and encourage them. We pray that your hope, love, mercy, and forgiveness would be poured into them and they would be made new. Find them Jesus where they are and rescue your children Father. Thank you that your light is brighter than any darkness and no heart is too far to be found. In Jesus’ Name, Amen.
Jesus takes His time with us. He gently and patiently works in us to transform us to be made more into who we really are, which is more and more like Him.
There is too many awesome words to describe Jesus, but one of them is gentle and another one is patient. He is so gentle and patient with us, with our hearts, with our pain. I’ve never really thought twice about this topic: of Jesus taking His time with us.Â
His timing is perfect, but usually it is much slower than we want. I mean I have never heard anyone say, yes I want to suffer and go through trials for four months. Or yes, I don’t want to get married until I am thirty. But, I have heard them say at the end of that trial or even years after, how perfect God’s timing is.
We so often forget how much time an artist uses to dive into his painting or his sculpture.
We, as God’s creation, are His art. We are each of His unique masterpieces waiting to happen. Although, His final masterpieces of each one of His believers won’t be revealed until we walk into eternal glory. [2 Corinthians 4:17] But, this doesn’t mean we give up now or do whatever we want, for Jesus wants to use us- He wants His art to be seen.
He wants the work of His hands, His glory, to be revealed through us. But this glory isn’t achieved right away, it takes time and patience and it is something only Jesus can do, nothing from ourselves.
Jesus is taking His time with you, perfecting and building something in you. He takes His time because He wants to heal you along the way, He wants you to remember what He is teaching you in this time, because He is your artist and the most intricate, wonderful works take time.
His timing is usually different than ours, but His is perfect. During this time, trust His timing, remember He sees everything ahead of you, He knows everything and everyone you will meet, and He is using this time right now for something later down the road- so don’t rush it. But, use this time to call Jesus into your heart, ask Him to help you trust His timing, and to help you have patience in Him. Rejoice in who He is and you may be able to see some of the ways He is working behind the scenes right now.
“You don’t understand what I am doing now, but someday you will.” John 13:7
Open the window and look at what has been made perfect in God’s timing.
During times of pain, we have two options. We can let our pain and suffering make us bitter and angry or we can allow Jesus to come into our innermost parts and transform and mold that pain into something so beautiful.
Don’t worry, you may feel as if you have let your pain make you bitter and angry already, but please know that it is not too late. You’re not too far. Jesus can transform anything.
One of the most incredible things about Jesus is that He is not just a fixer, but He is a healer. We, as human beings, want everything to be fixed right away, without solving the underlying issue. But with Jesus, He wants to dig up the underlying issue, and begin to heal you, to set you free.
Jesus is a healer, a binder of the brokenhearted. He is pretty great, huh?
Your heart may feel like it is shattering right now, like it is in the middle of completely splitting down the middle… and you know what, Jesus feels that. He feels your pain with you, He is distressed with you, weeps with you and He is so gentle with you.
Call Him into your achy heart, let Him sit with you in the suffering. Let Him bring you hope during this pain. He is not going to remove it right away, for it is teaching and producing in you something bigger than you, but He will comfort you during this and be your most intimate friend.
He will wrap His arms around your heart and strengthen you ever so slightly and gradually, if you keep calling on Him to rescue you and trusting in Him and His purpose.
God doesn’t cause pain, but He does allow it to produce something new in you.
“I will not cause pain without allowing something new to be born.” Isaiah 66:9
This doesn’t mean we have to thank Him for our suffering or rejoice over it, but we can rejoice over the goodness of Jesus, and His sweet, unfailing love for us. And the fact that, this is Him doing something far greater in us than we could ever do on our own.
Call out to Jesus, ask Him to rescue you. He always delivers His people… in His timing.
“Not only so, but we also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope. And hope does not put us to shame, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Romans 5:3-5
Jesus, thank you for always making us more and more into your image. Help us trust you always, and rely on you for everything. Help us to give all of our heart to you. In Your Name, Amen.
Today, I felt weird and I tend to feel weird a lot and not be able to describe what is causing it. After giving it some thought and not just pushing it aside as usual, I discovered that I have a lot of repressed emotions, as a lot of you probably do as well. In this day and age, we are told that we always have to have it together, we always have to look our best for others to like us. So we push and push under our rug, our emotions and feelings. I am tired of dismissing what I feel and I know God is tugging on my heart, telling me I can’t keep ignoring what is going on inside of me.
Okay God, so where do I start?
I figured the best thing to probably do, is to start from the very beginning.
I envision little me and the tears that I have been needing to cry, start coming.
Rejection: to refuse to hear, receive, or admit; to refuse to accept, consider
Rejection was planted deep into the roots of my soul, by the enemy, almost directly after I came out of the womb. This is hard for me to write and even harder because I know my mom may read this. But, my mom wasn’t there for me, emotionally, in the beginning. This is where rejection was planted and continued to be watered, growing severely and ruthlessly.
The one who made me, rejected me.
…God if you made me in my mother’s womb, you must have rejected me as well or at least, you reject me when the dirty parts of me show.
This is a lie I have believed about God and about others and I did not even know till now, at 19 years old.
This has been one of the biggest lies stemming from my rejection. I believe that when I am around people, I can’t show my sadness or fear. I believe that if I show them how messed up I am inside, they won’t want to be around me. You know, I don’t want to be a downer, I don’t want to make someone else feel sad for me. They won’t stick with me through my aching heart, only when my heart is full and happy. And most of all, if I wasn’t good enough for the one who made me, how could I be good enough for someone who has no ties to me?
The enemy has been winning all these years, and I have been letting him by never taking a stand for my worth.
When God brought me into a relationship with Him, He knew this was one of my biggest struggles. In the beginning months of my new relationship with God, He really showed me intimacy with Him and His presence was so strong. He listened to me and talked to me. He showed me that He choose me. He showed me a relationship with Him and He became my best friend, it really was beautiful.
In those moments, He began (without me realizing till just now) that work of uprooting that lie and all the lies stemming from rejection.
Just by Him being my best friend and greatest listener, He showed me “I am worthy” of being heard, being around, being a friend of.
But as time went on and we go through seasons where circumstances and chaos surround us and we can’t feel God that close, this lie began to show itself again- God showing me that the root has never been dug up.
I hate this lie that I have believed. You know why, because I still believe it even after everything God has done for me, even after I have felt the love He has for me at my brightest and darkest moments.
When God shows me how much He loves me, that He died for me, that I am His child, His friend- sometimes it stirs nothing within me. If I am going to be completely honest, I just read it or listen to it and feel nothing. Sometimes I try to make myself feel something because everyone around me is brought to their knees by this truth. But here I am- not even sure if my heart is beating because I can’t feel anything inside.
The enemy has gotten so deep into my roots with the lies that come from rejection, that it is hard to believe the love God has for me.
I struggle with thinking I have to do more, pray more, read more to have God love me… and no matter what bible verse contradicts that or how many times someone tells me that is not true or I even tell myself that is not true; I just can’t believe it.
I guess I can’t believe that God would love me for no reason. I can’t believe that no matter how many times I sin against Him, He will still love me the same. I can’t believe that He wants to talk to me even when I don’t initiate the conversation. I can’t believe that He stills loves me when my faith is amounting to nothing. I don’t understand your love for me, Jesus.
The enemy has made me believe these lies, he has made me believe that God can only love me in my good moments. That when I don’t have a faith as strong as mountains and the brightest smile on face, God doesn’t want to be with me.
God is taking me on a journey to my heart beginning with this lie, because I will never be all that God intends for me to be if these wounds of my heart are never addressed. I am so ready God to watch you work within me! You are a beautiful healer.
“It is only in surrender, that I am truly free”
I want to tell you right now, that the wounds of your heart matter and I pray that you and God will take a journey to your heart to begin to uproot them and heal them with His mighty power. It will take time and I pray God blesses you with the spirit of endurance, perseverance, and patience. I also want you to know that it is not easy and it may be overwhelming, thinking where do I begin. Or you may be thinking that you don’t have any wounds… and that is the ultimate lie we can believe.
Let God take you on a journey to your heart, so that He can shape you and mold you into the woman or man He intended you to be. You just have to let Him, you have to surrender. Be real with God and with yourself. Let this be a start of a painfully, beautiful journey full of healing.
“When you come to where you’re broken within, the light meets the dark”
[Ps. By the goodness and graciousness of God, my mom and I’s relationship is beginning to be healed now. She is someone very special to me, one of my best friends, and I wouldn’t trade her for the world :-p ]
and…if you ever need prayer or just someone to talk to, feel free to contact me 🙂
I think so often we forget all that Jesus really is.
He didn’t just come to save us and give us a place to stay after we die.
He came to heal us and to use us as His ambassadors, His disciples.
He wants to take us on a beautiful journey, a journey to both His heart and our heart and to the hearts of others.
He wants to heal you. He wants to mend your brokenness and heal your wounds. He wants to take the weight of your wounds off you and use your newly mended wounds to transform your heart and clear your vision.
Your wounds have been built up over the years, some are very deep rooted wounds that may be even forgotten and some are acutely fresh wounds that are still burning the ridges of your heart.
We were never meant to conceal our wounds. We were never meant to just forget about our wounds. Jesus came to heal the hardness those wounds cause, the pain those wounds cause.
The only proposition is that those wounds have to be uncovered and exposed. It may be a little unpleasant to bring those wounds back to the forefront of your heart, but He will help you. It will cause you to be vulnerable; something a lot of us don’t particularly prefer and something the world looks down upon. It will dare you to lay yourself out, exposed before God and man.
It is a beautiful, yet terrifying thing. It is hard, I know.
But, your heart was never meant to be this way. Jesus wants to restore your heart back to what it was meant to be. He wants you to feel those passions and desires He has placed within your heart, once again. Those dreams and grand adventures you once conjured up of when you were young can be awakened again.
Your heart is meant to beat, it is meant to feel, it is meant to love and it is meant to soar way higher than you could ever imagine.
Ask Him to show you your wounds, your hurts that you have forgotten about. The wounds that have not been forgiven or confronted. Let Him heal you. Let Him love you- cause He most definitely will.
a journey to the heart 