I have never yet shared my story on here and I am not sure why, so here is my story.
Rejection stung at a young age when my mom wasn’t there emotionally for me and the pain lingered, noticeably ignored. My dad got me involved in church and at a young age I believed that God had sent His son to die for my sin, but that was the extent of that belief.
As I started high school, I began to be tugged by the waves of the world. In 9th grade, I found out my parents were getting a divorce, this didn’t surprise me, but the pain that came along with it did. While this was all happening, I was in a relationship where we both used each other, and I gave myself away. I then began to find my security in getting high, and I lost time with my family and many good friends as a result of that.
I remember one night after I had been out all day, getting high, I looked at myself in the mirror. I looked into my eyes and I was scared of what I was looking back at. What was I doing anymore, why was I living like this. I didn’t know who I was anymore. I don’t think I have ever felt darkness so strong.
My freshman year of college I was the most broken I had ever been and when I joined one of the bible studies on campus, the girls there talked about Jesus like he was real and they had this different kind of joy and love to them. I wanted that. Jesus was reaching out his hand to me and after being in the darkest place I had ever been, I finally said yes to him. By His grace, I grabbed his hand and he began to carry me.
As I spent sweet time with Him, that belief when I was younger began to become personal. He began to show me the rawness of himself; that God was the creator and when He was designing His creation, you and me, He wanted to know us… personally. Not just know of us, but know our struggles, our feelings, our desires, passions, dreams, our heart. But something gets in the way of that, this sin that we can’t stop. We have this flesh on us that wants to do what is wrong and since our God is a perfect God, we can’t reach Him with this sin that covers us.
So instead of us trying to reach God and never be able to attain Him, He reached down to us. He reached down through the life of Jesus, His son, whom He sent to Earth to be an offering that would cover our sin. On Earth, Jesus was just as we are, He was tempted, He suffered, but He was without sin. We beat Him and put the nails through His hands on that cross, and as He hung up there, He was taking the wrath of our sin. He died, but it didn’t stop there, He rose again and has given us a chance to be forgiven through His death and know Him… personally. We just have to believe.
He gives you that opportunity as well, it is a free gift… it’s called grace. Because He wants you and He wants to give you purpose, life, freedom, healing, He wants to give you Himself.
As I am growing in my faith, He has shown me that he is not a doctrine, but a relationship and has begun to heal my wounds. He is restoring the relationship between my mom and me and transforming my brokenness into wholeness.
Our relationship with Jesus doesn’t lead us to perfection, but invites us into a process that leads to us becoming more and more like Him and falling more in love with Him every day. He is a pretty cool dude.
If you have questions, please ask. If you want to explore this whole faith thing more: http://knowgod.com/en/