In the silence…

Silence. I pray, seek, ask, beg… yet silence. 

I hear nothing from you God, where have you gone? Why have you left me?

Feelings. You feel so far Lord, I just want to feel you near, I want to feel you close.

I feel nothing Lord. 

But what are feelings that they are greater than the ultimate truth of our Lord? When did my feelings create the presence of the Lord? When did my feelings become greater than the truth that the Lord is God, there is none above Him?

When did I let my feelings become an idol in my heart?

When did I forget that… “Every good and perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of the heavenly lights, who does not change like shifting shadows.” James 1:17

When did I forget that… “Who else has held the oceans in his hand? Who has measured off the heavens with his fingers? Who else knows the weight of the earth or has weighed the mountains and hills on a scale?” Isaiah 40:12

Yet, I let my little infinite, miniscule feelings dictate who the God of the universe is.

Yet, because of who God is, He wants us to cry out and pour our hearts out to Him…

Psalm 13

“How long, Lord? Will you forget me forever?
How long will you hide your face from me?
2 How long must I wrestle with my thoughts
and day after day have sorrow in my heart?
How long will my enemy triumph over me?
3 Look on me and answer, Lord my God.
Give light to my eyes, or I will sleep in death,
4 and my enemy will say, “I have overcome him,”
and my foes will rejoice when I fall.
5 But I trust in your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in your salvation.
6 I will sing the Lord’s praise,
for he has been good to me.” 

You see He calls us to be honest with Him, brutally honest, but then we must not stay in those feelings, we must remember the truth of our Lord and who He is; that He is faithful even when we are faithless [2 Timothy 2:13]. That He is Lord, and He is good.

“If I, the Lord, seem silent, will you still seek me? Even if you ‘feel’ nothing, will your faith still prevail, will you still chase me?”

In this season of testing and silence, I believe the Lord is saying to me and maybe to you, “you have heard me speak, you have watched me move and I become silent for one season and all of sudden, you forget all that I am, you think that I have forgotten you? But you have tasted my goodness, you have watched me, seen me, you know me… now it’s time for me to know you, to see where your faith stands…”

Then I came across this in the Word…

So do not throw away your confidence; it will be richly rewarded. You need to persevere so that when you have done the will of God, you will receive what He has promised.

For “In just a little while, He who is coming [will come] and not delay.”

And “But my righteous one will live by faith. And I take {no pleasure in the one who shrinks back.}”

For we do not belong to those who shrink back and are destroyed, but to those have faith and are saved.” Hebrews 10:35-39

Lord Jesus, we come to you and confess that we have made our feelings idols, we have leaned into them more than you, your Word that is truth, that stands firm to the end. We have trusted in ourselves, in feelings that are constantly changing like shifting shadows, but you, Lord, are the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow, not changing with the winds of this world. Lord forgive us, create in us pure hearts Lord. Help us stand firm to the end, running this race with perseverance, trusting in You alone. Rid us of ourselves, of our idols, make us into men and women of faith, who speak truth and trust in your truth alone. You are Lord of all Jesus. Thank you. In Your Name, Amen. 

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