I am going to be honest, this past week has been a struggle for me. I have felt so overwhelmed. Overwhelmed by all the things that I think I have to be, all of the expectations I am placing on myself. How can I be a daughter, a sister, a friend, a leader, a disciple, and a teacher, all while being a full time college student? I can’t be all these things.
I felt myself break. I felt myself get angry at the Lord.
“Lord, I can’t meet all these expectations you ask of me. I am one person. I am angry at you God. Why do you ask me to be all these things for you when you know I can’t be all those things?”
Oh man, was I angry. I have to confess something to you, I have believed the lie for so long that I have to be more for our God. You know where that lie comes from, it comes from Satan. The Lord tells us to come as we are, He loves us right where we are, and He loves us with a crazy, fiery, passionate, relentless love. But, because of that lie and because of the pain it has caused me, I so often try to work for His love.
It is quite silly, but you know when you know something intellectually but for some reason you’re heart just isn’t quite there yet? Yes, that is me. And ya know what, God is going to dig this lie out because He has dug out so many lies before. He is a faithful Father to His children and He has this lie of mine. It will take time for my heart to truly recover of this lie, but I know God is a healer and He will heal this heart of mine. He will do the same for you too.
I continually have to confess and lay it at His feet. I wrestle with it. I am stubborn. But God is good. He is faithful. He is true. He is never changing; the same yesterday, today, and tomorrow.
And ya know the even more crazier thing? God doesn’t call us to be all those things. It is ourselves who call us to be all those things. We try to carry an impossible burden.
Yesterday, I told my dad this struggle and he said to me, “Lex, God has called you to be you.”
I want to tell you today that you were not meant to carry the burden of being all those “things” that you are trying to be, or feel the obligation to be. No, God has called you to be you.
Lord, I confess I try to take on the weight of the world on my own. I set impossible standards for myself and then lean on myself to try to accomplish all of them. I lean on my own strength, on my own power, and wisdom without ever running to you Father. Forgive me Lord. I run to you, and I chose to rest in you Father. Help me to just be me. Thank you Lord that you want to be our strength, you want to be our rest. In Your Name, Amen.