I think you may need to hear this today, as did I.
Wherever you are right now, whether you are out in the wilderness God has allowed you to be in or overflowing with joy or angry at God or doubting God or whatever it may be…
I want you to know that it is okay, it is okay to be angry, to be bitter, to doubt. It is okay to be angry about the circumstances, it is okay to question God and wonder. God already expects that.
But I want to tell you to not hold it in, don’t ignore that anger, that doubt, that bitterness. Tell God, write it down, scream it out, cry out to Him and tell Him that you are angry, bitter, that you don’t know how much longer you can do this. Tell Him. Just tell Him.
There is something so raw and beautiful about honesty, maybe because it’s just you as you are; us are as we are in all our pain and brokenness. I think I and maybe you forget that it is okay to not be okay with what is happening around you, with the choices of other; it is okay to acknowledge how broken things are around you and be angry that it is that way.
There’s something about being brokenly honest with God that He uses to draw you back to Him…
I first experienced this a couple of weeks ago, when I started to realize I wasn’t okay with the divorce of my parents. I was angry at God for allowing this to happen to me. Why did my family have to be broken, why did I have to be torn into two? Why God would you allow this? I told him straight up, I didn’t try to sweeten up my words to make them sound prettier, but I was real with him. I told him my heart, my thoughts, my feelings toward him, towards the situation and you know what? It was the first time I was ever that real with him. It was the first time I didn’t change how I said something or buttered it up. It was my broken, messy soul crying out (or yelling) to God in confusion, hurt, pain, and honesty. There is still some anger lingering, but God is beginning to help me accept what has happened and helping me accept and truly believe that he will use this for my good and that it will even be used for the good of others. Because now I will be able to honestly minister to some young girl whose parents are going through a divorce, I will be able to relate to the kids I want to work with in the inner city, who come from broken homes…that’s just God for ya.
I believe that we won’t even see half the good that comes out of our darkest pain, but it is crazy how God uses our biggest hurt for his utmost glory.
I know this verse may be hard to believe right now, but remember that it is the truth whether we believe it or not:
“And I know that in all things, God works for the good of those who love Him, who have been called according to his purpose.” Romans 8:28