Self-Condemnation

I feel as if I have been at war with myself, through my mind. The mind can be an oh so terrible thing. When thoughts pop up in our mind, we have the power either, to let that thought go or to give power to that thought and ruminate on it. Rumination and self-reflection are two things that I think I may be way too good at. I laugh now when I think about it but while in the process of it, it is literally deadly. I think the toughest thing for me is that I had this amazing relationship with Jesus a couple months ago, where I could feel His presence day in and day out. I was all alone at that college, no friends or anything, so Jesus came in and saved me and filled me with His presence. Over Christmas break, that relationship started to deteriorate, not completely, but on my side, I wasn’t seeking Him and putting in the time He deserves. I realized this a few weeks into my new college; I realized that I really missed that relationship with Jesus I had and I knew a part of me was missing. So I cut off major sin that was holding me back and I prayed and prayed, after I had a huge mental breakdown one evening, and I felt this sense of peace over me the next day. Personally, my biggest problem is I that I am way too self-critical and I think over think everything I do and I compare myself to who I was a couple of months ago. Yes, a little self-reflecting and thinking is good but I was going over-board and it was eating me alive. I am still dealing with it now, but I recently just came across an article talking about self-condemning. While I was reading this, it was reminding me what God thinks of me, that my old self is gone and I am made new is His eyes, that God sees me as perfect because of the sin His son paid for us. This article told me to read Romans 7 and 8, which I was just doing before I felt the urge to write this. (I suggest you read those too) But I think sometimes, we let the devil get a hold of our minds and we let him remind us of our sin and then we think we don’t deserve God or we try to do things to clear our conscience to help us feel clean again. So often we forget how God looks at us, how perfect we are to Him. We are His children and He loves us so much, He wants us to be with Him and He forgives us of the wrongs we have done. Take sometime today and write a letter to yourself from God.

Good thing to remember...

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